Gender Swaying – a term I wasn’t privy to until recently. But as Ryan and I began thinking about having our third and final child, the idea of swaying the gender female was appealing since we were already blessed with two rambunctious boys.
I did a little bit of reading about the Shettles method, diets, supplements, etc. I found a lot of the diet and supplement information online to contradict itself– literally opposite advice floating around the Internet. Some women are even inserting lime juice and vinegar up their vaginas! Yikes! No thanks!
I decided to try and time things the way Shettles describes, and that’s about it – I didn’t think too much on it.
Then a blog post was published by a local blogger, Ashlee Gadd, who happens to live down the street from me, who also has two adorable boys and was pregnant with her third baby. She (bravely) shared her Gender Swaying efforts PRIOR to finding out the baby’s gender (read it here); it was raw and from the heart. Her efforts and prayers worked and she’s having her girl – and I’m so very happy for her. The method she used is based off of a book called The Babydust Method: A Guide to Conceiving a Girl or a Boy. My friend called me the morning Ashlee’s post published and told me about it since she knew I was planning on “trying” that month.
So, I read Ashlee’s post, totally related with it 1000 percent. I immediately ordered the book and ovulation prediction kits on amazon. Two days later, I was peeing on LH surge detection sticks twice a day and logging a picture of each stick into an app. The method: track your cycle for three months, determine when you ovulate so that when it’s time to “try,” you can time your intercourse with a 2-3 day cut off, meaning you have sex 2-3 days prior to ovulation. This method supposedly gives female sperm the advantage to fertilize the egg because by the time the egg arrives, the boy sperm will have died off. Seemed simple enough. Oh, but you also have to abstain from any sexual intercourse until you make your one attempt at making a baby, then abstain again until seven days after your ovulation day. Not exactly a fun way to conceive, but we decided to give it a go. Ryan was game.
From the first couple of days tracking, I found myself to have some anxiety about it all – asking myself if this is all worth it. Won’t God give me what I’m meant to have? I really do desperately in my heart want a daughter, but is this the answer? Despite having some anxiety, I went ahead and tracked my cycle that month – I got my LH surge on cycle day 16, meaning the following day was my predicted ovulation.
I was starting to feel depressed because I was ready to try for a baby right before I found out about this method, and I didn’t want to wait three months to give it a go. I also wanted to hurry up and try because I knew this was causing me a lot of anxiety and I wanted to get it over with. I decided to time our “try” based on my previous month’s ovulation date.
Fast forward to the following month – by that point, I was feeling a lot of anxiety. So many cups being peed in and sticks being tested (not the easiest thing to do with a five and two year old at home). Abstaining from sex was also not fun – TMI I know, but this whole post is TMI. Ryan and I enjoy that aspect of our relationship and I think it’s super important in a marriage to connect in that way. So wouldn’t you think when it was finally time to “try” I would be super into it? Not the case. I had so much anxiety I just wanted it to be over and done with. Anyone heard the expression “dead fish?” TMI should have been the name of this blog post.
Then it was time to keep testing. I needed to get my LH surge on cycle day 16 in order to get my three day cutoff. Cycle 16 came and went, no surge. What I did end up with that night was spotting – mid cycle. Then it continued into cycle day 18. I read online it could be ovulation spotting, but not if I didn’t get my LH surge. I knew something was wrong with my body. I knew in my heart that this process had stressed me out to the point where my hormones were out of whack and I wasn’t ovulating – a pretty devastating realization for someone trying to conceive. This was so foreign to me, since I conceived Porter and Preston both on the first try. My body was physically rejecting what I was attempting to do; to micromanage my baby’s gender.
This wasn’t the first time stress had affected my cycle, however. The month before I got married, I completely skipped my period, which means I didn’t ovulate that month. So that’s how I know this isn’t because I’m going to be 34 in November, since this also happened when I was 26. (Side note, the pre-wedding stress wasn’t actually about marrying Ryan – it was various other aspects surrounding the wedding that caused me to be kind of a wreck. Thankfully I was able to find peace the day-of. ) Clearly this is just what my body does when it’s overly stressed out or anxiety ridden. I physically manifest my stress. I also have a stress induced fainting problem. I literally faint like on an effing soap opera.
After some serious prayer, the idea that this was the wrong thing for me was stuck in my head. I believe God is telling me to stop it – and trust that I will have what I’m meant to have. So this morning I threw away my sticks. I’m going to have sex when I feel like it, with maybe one intentional session close to my fertile window. I’m giving up control and giving it to God – I have faith that he’ll give me whatever is BEST for me. I’ll have what I’m meant to have and if that is three beautiful boys, I’m game. I already have a girl AND boy name picked out anyway ;).
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18
*side note, I want to clarify that I’m in no way trying to shame anyone that chooses to “gender sway.” I’m simply sharing my experience and feelings on it, for me. As I say often, you do you.*